Select Executive Functions

For something so vital to human functioning executive functions are poorly studdied and hilariously even more poorly defined.

They can be thought of as the following areas:

1. Self Awareness
2. Self Restraint
3. Non-verbal Working Memory
4. Verbal Working Memory
5. Emotional Self-regulation
6. Self Motivation
7. Planning and Problem Solving

For myself I prefer thinking of them as getting my [Ducks] in a row:

1. Duck This - Organization
2. Duck That - Task Breakdown and Planning
3. Duck You - Frustration Toleration (A.K.A. On a specific day how much metaphorical grit in my metaphorical gears does it take to start making me shutdown.) [insert crazy dial gif]
4. Duck Me - Task Initiation
5. Duck It - Impulse Control

Generally asking myself how I'm feeling in that context gets me what I need to know.

Memory

I can't remember shit for shit. Sometimes that's walking into a store to buy a replacement of something and having no idea what product I've been buying for litterally years. Or walking away from an activity (cooking) for "one second" (>30 min) and nearly burning the house down. Or having no idea why it takes me two weeks to remember to do a weekly chore while I'm somewhere I can act on it.

You get the point, but the problems can be broken down into a few types:

• Not thinking of a thing that I needed to follow up on or check on or do until far too late (Internal timer is no good at its job)
• Not remembering what something is or how it works (I'm morelikely to remember the WAY I figured it out the first time which means I end up reinventing my med storage each week or buying the brand of pasta sacue I hate three times because all I know is I have a STRONG association with it.)
• Forgetting I need to do something I do on a regular basis or forgetting despite reminders and periodical flashes of insite (Looking at the calendar: Gotta pay rent in 2 days!, Partner reminds me: Rent's due tomorrow., Food truck is outside my office guess it's the first of the month. I should pay rent when I get home., Shit it's the 3rd. Wait. Where did I put the damn checkbook?)

On its face this might seem like all the same thing, but fuck no it's not. Three problems and three solutions, not all equally effective unfortunately.

• Bad Internal Timer - Make External Timer (Its just a fucking kitchen timer on a lanyard, I feel like a moron but god does it work if i USE it.)
• Forgetting Methods and Associations - I hate that fucking pasta sauce, I need to fix this. Maybe a book with pictures of food I hate in it???? Fuck me.
• Forgetting Notifications as soon as I stop looking at them - Bullet Journal Method (no not even the pretty ones on Instagram, the old-school one), and it needs to perminately SIT IN FRONT OF MY FACE. (How do I buy a HUD??? God damn I do not want Google Glasses.)

Emotional Regulation: Anxiety and Frustration

This whole situation is comparable to having a shitty old car with a loose steering wheel column (Reminder: Look into selling your car when you go back and proofread this). On a good day you have plenty of patience and you can aford to take your time getting places or just cancle your plans. On other days you get tired of the constant disfunction on the second of a dozen repairs and you just want to scream. On a really bad day it's an active danger to you and no one else can tell.

There is a lot of value in learning to tell what kind of day it is before you decide what you are going to do. You can stack the deck with these two, but its difficult. Attending to your "House Plant Activities" are an exercise in each and every executive function and following a routine.

What I'm saying is "comorbidity" in this case is a really funny way of misspelling causation. Blatently, that's what I beleive it is. Weirdly enough medical professionals are seemingly quite resistant to that idea. I avoided seeking more agressive forms of treatment and accomadation for years, making myself worse all the way, because I beleived medical professionals could not be trusted to help me deal with the root cause rather than these side-effects. In collage I sought and received some treatment, but the instance that we deal with the anxiety FIRST. Left me with just enough breathing room to continue harming myself with unhealthy coping strategys. Leaning heavily on guilt, perfectionism, and hyperfocus to handle daily needs.

It wasn't a good situation, and while I don't blame them for it, it set me up for several years of continued struggling under the assumption that the srturrling would reduce if the "most severe" symptoms were treated first. I gewt why this is done but, fuck, if you are in a position like the one I was in Speak Up For Yourself. You will be the one suffering.